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Learning to manage my internal contradictions

5 septiembre, 2018

There are moments in my daily life when I feel that I focus all my energy on observing how the people I care about don’t take into account me, take advantage of me, don’t put themselves in my place and how I suffer when I’m in their company, I go round and round these thoughts, I place myself in a position of complaint and constant frustration, sometimes I feel discomfort and resentment, it only makes me want to leave that relationship that makes me feel unhappy.

At the same time there is a part of me, contradictory, that in other occasions indicates me and makes me perceive that in some aspects I feel the need to maintain that relationship with those people, that I need to take care of that bond, that there are occasions in which I know that it brings me sensations and feelings of affection and union.

This kind of polarity in which I find myself makes me feel guilty for having these negative thoughts and the internal struggle increases even more, so I feel unable to make decisions that leave me in peace with myself.

Thanks to my psychotherapy process I feel accompanied to explore those different parts of myself, I feel the empathy of my therapist to listen to me and his acceptance of those parts in contradiction, I stop feeling guilt.

I begin to have a broader perspective of myself, I begin to listen, understand my needs, and respect them.

I understand what feelings lead me to think in one way or another, becoming aware of how they cause distressing physical sensations of tension or feelings of calm and connection.

I broaden my view of how the people I care about also start from their own reality and interact in function of it.

I learn to let go and let go of the expectations I place on others, so I stop getting frustrated because they don’t meet them.